I write based on knowledge gained from my own lived-experiences. These experiences of autistic masking may not necessarily be the same for everyone who is autistic. Please remember that each neurodivergent person will have different experiences to another neurodivergent person.

What is autistic masking?

Masking is when an individual displays or hides behaviours with the desire to ‘fit-in’ during social situations.

You’ll probably not notice when someone is masking. That’s the objective of doing it. The intention of masking behaviour is to look natural and appear just like everyone else. To fit in with societal norms and expectations in social situations. To appear more neurotypical.

Masking is also referred to as autistic masking, but is a trait that can also be displayed by someone with ADHD, dyslexia or other neurodivergent conditions. Masking is a strategy used to display neurotypical behaviours and to hide natural neurodivergent traits. Neurotypical individuals may also practice some masking strategies when in some unfamiliar situations – usually when wanting to create a good impression, such as during an interview process for a new job or when forming new relationships. But neurodivergent individuals often use masking as a coping mechanism just to get through social situations in the day. And as a result can be masking for many hours every day.

Why do people mask?

We spend a lot of time thinking about what others think about us. At work. On social media. Perhaps in our extended family, or in our local community. We probably spend more time thinking about what other people think than the actual time people think about us. 

We do this for good reasons. To be liked, to fit in. To feel like we are a valuable member of the workplace or local neighbourhood. To gain positive compliments from others. To feel accepted.

WHY we feel this way, like many other reasons why our mind and body responds in a specific way to events, can often be traced back to the olden days. Back in the day, it was vital to be a part of a community. A protective community gave us greater physical safety from sabre-toothed tigers and access to shared knowledge about how to light fires or which toxic berries to avoid eating. Being a part of a community continues to support our happiness and wellbeing today. It is still important. But it is now less about basic survival needs.

Neurodivergent individuals may learn to mask from an early age. There may be an event that happens in childhood that prompts some self-awareness of being ‘a bit different’. A feeling of not being the same as their friends and peers in the classroom. But not really sure why. For example, a child may struggle to take part in shared activities at school or in playground games with other children. Or there may be some misunderstanding with language when communicating with other children. An unhappy event at school can stick in the mind and prompt a child to watch and learn behaviours from others. And then put this acquired knowledge into real life situations. To begin masking.

(A research study related to autism and board games and published by The British Psychological Society¹ indicates that autistic children and adults enjoy social-deception games because these games are “a valuable opportunity to practice and refine social skills”)

This knowledge relating to social interactions continues to accumulate and put into practice in social situations throughout life. After school years, there may be more social situations with peers. And then there are the unwritten rules that exist in workplace situations. Always learning.

Examples of masking behaviours

Some of behaviours that are examples of masking include:

• Maintaining eye contact is seen as socially expected behaviour. Some may consider looking away when speaking as a sign that someone is lying or trying to conceal information. The reality for me is that it is easier for me to think and converse when looking away from someone. As a way to appear neurotypical, I will try to establish eye contact and ‘trust’ when the stakes are lower, during introductions, or when others are speaking. So that I can look elsewhere when I am needing to concentrate on what I need to say and how I will structure my sentences. And then make eye contact again when I finish speaking. Another minefield is figuring out how much eye contact make. Neurotypical society expects some eye contact, but too much appears intense.
• Using small-talk when in social situations. When asked “how are you?” or “did you have a good weekend?” on a Monday morning back at work, the accepted response that we give is something along the lines of “I’m fine”, “good, thanks”, “not bad”. These responses are learned behaviours. Autistic people may naturally want to tell you how they are really feeling.
• Use of honesty with colleagues, friends and family. This is a difficult one. Most people like to think they are honest all the time. But there are degrees of honesty and knowing what to say and to avoid saying in order to not hurts anyone’s feelings. Honest and trust is a recognised autistic trait, and can be a valuable strength in the workplace. But some modification to language may need to be learned and honed. If you are on the receiving end of honest feedback, there will be no malice intended from the autistic person. The intention will be to give useful advice.
• Use of body language. Crossing arms has becoming a universal indication of being defensive. Alternatively, it might just be more comfortable. This can be present in a face-to-face group meeting situation in an office. Many people unconsciously mirror body language of others to make connection and rapport when in conversation (limbic synchrony). This can be subconscious for many people, but neurodivergent individuals may need to consciously do this in order to build the same level of rapport and trust in groups.
• Hide stimming² behaviour. As well as pro-active behaviours, some autistic individuals may need to consciously hide some behaviours so as not to stand out. In a workplace environment, these can include clicking pen tops, tapping feet or humming. These behaviours can help people to relax and to focus, but can be perceived by others as being disruptive. So, a neurodivergent employee may need to consciously hide the behaviours that can actually help them be more productive in their work.

The impact of masking

Masking for many neurodivergent individuals is now just something that they do. And many days are fine. It’s a coping mechanism that can be lived with. But regular and frequent masking can be exhausting. It can be hard work to just to appear like everyone else.

Long term masking can be associated with anxiety and can lead to burnout. If energy levels are low, then it can be difficult to concentrate and to think clearly.

Masking can also lead to a loss of personal identity. If you feel like you are having to be someone else for large parts of your day, then who is the real you?

Learning how to unmask

Experiences of each individual neurodivergent person will be different.

I do remember early in my career, at a time when most people worked in the office five days a week, that I would consider there was a work-version of me and a home-version of me. I remember talking about this at work, and then being surprised that others did not feel the same way. This was before I had any awareness of autistic traits. Now, as I reflect on this, what I was probably trying to say is that I was masking all day fit in while at work. Only when I get back home could I unmask and be me again. So I recognise that having some days working from home can help some neurodivergent employees be more ‘themselves’, to use stimming or background music (or complete silence) to help with greater focus and be more productive.

Masking can be valuable in some situations. I’m not suggesting that neurodivergent individuals should unmask and be their authentic self all the time. But I believe there is a balance to be found.

And what works for one person will not necessarily work for another. It can be useful to know how others have found balance in their lives, but you may need to work on finding what is best for you.

If you feel that you haven’t quite got the balance right with how much you are masking and the energy levels you have, then now might be a good time to get support. Read more around the topic. If you’d like to explore it in a conversation with me, then get in touch.

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References:

1. Atherton, G., & Cross, L. ‘Eyes on the board, not on you’. The British Psychological Society https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/eyes-board-not-you
2. Stimming: “self-stimulating behaviours” Find out more at https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/about-autism/repeated-movements-and-behaviour-stimming